Acquired: A gift, the gift of Poo
Fun Fact: I originally wrote the duration of today's blog post with Hankey spelled without the letter 'e', but I went back and fixed it because I wanted to make sure that a post discussing a hanging poo Christmas ornament was written in the highest esteem.
So needless to say, it has been a stressful existence over the last few days. If you are like me, the last thing you want in the world is to be bothered after one of these days ends. The ideal situation would be to come home and crawl into a hole and die; however, this is not an option. Well, it is an option, but I am too tired to dig the hole and I have too much respect for my loved ones just to pass out and die in the open ..so I must press on.
Santa: And what would you like for Christmas?
Me: A hole to crawl into and die
Santa: Umm..I don't think Santa can get that on his sleigh.
Me: You can put other presents into the hole, but when you come to my house just take those presents out so that I can die.
Santa: How bout a nice bicycle for Christmas?
Me: Only if I can ride it into the Sarlacc Pit.
So, anywho, I know death's sweet embrace isn't truly the answer, but is 10 minutes of peace when I come home to unwind asking too much?
Yes. Yes it is.
I came home and snuck into the basement shower because I work in a pharmacy and this time of year everything is covered in some degree of the plague. So I am showering and I am getting about two minutes into Michael's Unwinding Mode which is NOT a euphemism pervs!! (Get your mind out of the gutter, this is a simple blog about hanging poo) when my wife and son come to pay me a visit. They want to come in and be loud and ask me specific questions about the day that I am trying to forget. Rachel is pressing her face to the glass, Luke is babbling in his own undecipherable language, and no unwinding is taking place. To make matters worse our dogs, Sadie and Bentley, are running around putting everything they can in their mouths which prompts Rachel to say, "Sadie! No! Drop it! Bad Girl!" every 30 seconds. So I exit the shower because at this point work would be a less stressful place to be and lo and behold I see Sadie prancing through the bathroom with her tail wagging in that "I got something that I'm going to eat and die if you don't chase me and take it away" fashion. Without glasses, just a towel, and completely wet I take chase and retrieve from her mouth today's ornament: Mr. Hankey.
Mr. Hanky of course is a character on South Park, but don't take my word for it. Here is the immediate description of his character courtesy of Wikipedia:
Mr. Hankey the "Christmas Poo", voiced by Trey Parker, is a talking piece of feces. He first appeared in the first season episode "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo". He emerges from the toilet bowl on Christmas Eve and brings presents to good boys and girls whose diets have been high in fiber. He is especially close to Kyle, consoling him during his Christmas-Hanukkah depression and generally appears to help the boys out with something or gives them advice.
Mr Hankey is one of my favorite ornaments on tree. He is a very simple ornament and just screams "Howdy Ho!!!" I love the fact that he looks so happy. For years, Mr. Hankey has been criticized for being on the tree due to the nature and reputation of South Park.
Future Luke: What ornament is that?
Future Me: That's my Ernie ornament. My first ornament I ever owned.
Future Luke: Oh wow. And how about THAT ornament.
Future Me: That is a piece of poop wearing a Santa hat.
Future Luke: Isn't that inappropriate?
Future Me: Look! A diversion!
However, it is impossible to be upset at Mr. Hankey with how happy he looks. Yes, he might be from a show that is vulgar and obscene in nature, but just look at that smile. He wants to be your friend.
When I see Mr. Hankey up on the tree, I can't help but remember the battle in my house in the late 1990s to watch South Park. Parents knew the show was not a show that children should be watching. I watched it under the radar for a long time. When my folks came in I was just able to say I was watching a cartoon which is correct. However, South Park was before the Adult cartoons that have a certain offensive shock value to them. I just remember that part of the joy of watching South Park wasn't the fact that it was good (the early episodes were not), but the fact that I was getting away with something.
I was exposed to a lot of things I never should have learned at the ripe age of 12. I remember one specific example where Cartman was calling Kyle the name of an inappropriate object. Once again, an object a 12 year old boy shouldn't necessarily be running around saying. Well, because I didn't know what it was, I had to ask. We didn't have the Internet in our house circa 1997 so I couldn't just figure it out on my own.
At this point I should clarify what the object was. I have been mildly successful at keeping these blog posts TV- PG. So I am going to share a quick anecdote about college. I was a Spanish tutor in college and one of the students that I got to conjugate verbs with every Wednesday was named Dustin Didlo. Are we clear that his name was Dustin Didlo? Let's continue...
So I asked my dad what the object was. My dad - not wanting to miss the opportunity to have his name thrown in for Father of the Year - told my brother Matthew and I in specific detail what it was. I think I laughed for about an hour and a half and my younger brother has never been the same. I think about those early episodes of South Park and how tame they are compared to the things that are on television. Rachel is attempting to filter what Luke can and cannot watch right now. I understand that maybe Sponge Bob and Professional wrestling might not be the best for him right now, but there are a lot worse programming a 1 year old could be watching. Just ask Dustin.
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