How I Met Your Mother and Bought Her a Furby

Years on Tree: 7
Acquired: My first gift to Rachel
Fun Fact: My wife's nose moves when she talks. Pay close attention. We dated for seven months before someone asked if I had noticed.
Fun Fact 2: I will be scolded for today's Fun Fact.

     I was Ted Mosby before Ted Mosby was (un)cool. I had an instant connection to the main character of the hit CBS sitcom 'How I Met Your Mother'; we both were trying way too hard to make something out of nothing and not just enjoy the ride. Every "relationship" had to have way too much commitment and drama for being nothing more than a "You're single and I am bored" partnership. (Believe me there were a lot of mix tapes made featuring love songs of the time! I didn't start dating until the early 2000's when cassette tapes were obsolete, but that didn't stop me from making these tapes. Hopeless romantic and technologically inadequate: That's a double whammy!)
     I use the past tense because - for those who haven't seen the show despite the fact that it is syndicated on six networks - the main character recants to his kids the tale of how all of life's twist and turns inevitably lead to finding his wife. (Spoiler Alert: There is a lot of evidence throughout the series that gives subtle hints as to who is related to Ted's future wife. Email me for a link). Just like Ted Mosby, life's highs have been high but the lows have been quite low when it comes to dating. I have done a lot of things that have fallen far below the Barometer of Acceptability when it came to trying to make myself dateable in high school and a significant part of college.

     You know when you go to the eye doctor's office and they give you the option of 1 or 2 as they randomly turn knobs on the giant view master? Well, that was pretty much how I viewed every single aspect of my appearance trying to leave the house everyday for school or any social obligation.

There was my shirt tuck phase:

"Does this South park T-shirt look better tucked into my khaki pants I wore yesterday or is it better untucked? Hmmm. Better tuck it in just in case I meet my future wife today."

There was the hair gel phase:

"Right now the front of my hair is styled to stick up, but what if gravity acts up again and it falls? Better put some more Glob in my hair in case my future wife sees me."

...And the facial hair phase:

"These side burns are looking quite fine if I do say so myself. But I might want to grow them out and do a strip beard. " (I did have a strip beard for a few days: It wasn't a good look. The main problem is that I had to decide on my own where the "chin strap" was because I don't actually have a definitive jawbone or neck. If viewed from the front, my head and neck bear a strong resemblance to a thumb.)

     There are plenty of other examples that made me an unacceptable candidate to date that overshadowed my vast array of age-appropriate and popular interests; however, I did not expect to meet my future wife looking and acting like a complete imbecile and I am talking full-blown imbecile here.

     We met in college and it was the first scheduled meeting of the Baptist Student Union at Missouri Western Statue University (Motto: Women are invited to attend, but choose not to). Now remember, college was a brand new chance to reinvent myself and start over.  Well, normally at these pivotal social locations where that vital First Impression will be made I would make sure that my hair was glued sticking up and that my shirt was at an acceptable level of tucked or not tucked based on the cargo jean shorts I was wearing (IT WAS BAD GUYS!). But all of my rules went out the window when I saw that there was a bounce house on the front lawn. 
     Needless to say, it took me about 5 minutes before I was drop kicking and power bombing other social rejects like myself. However, at one point a beautiful young Rachel made her way into the bounce house. Myself and the other really cool, sweaty guys playing in a child's bounce house reacted the only way we knew how to a beautiful female entering our presence: We picked her up and tossed her in the air Spirit Squad style (one person on each leg and arm and LIFT!!) What was funny is that at this point Rachel was dating an actual college wrestler who probably could have pinned me without getting half as sweaty as I was in that bounce house.
      Fate, however, has an interesting way of working things out. A few months later we found ourselves back at the Baptist Student Union "Motto: The 'S' is not for "Sausage". Women are allowed entrance." And I mentioned that I remembered her from the bounce house. At this point in the semester, she was single and we struck up quite the conversation which led to going back to her place which allowed me to act like an imbecile in a different setting. We talked quite a ways into the night and at some point she must have picked up on something about me that was a quality she said years later "had not seen in any of the guys she ever talked to before." I don't remember a darn thing about that night other than she mentioned owning a Furby.

And so here we are. The Furby ornament on our tree is the very first thing that was ever exchanged in gift form between Rachel and me during that pivotal dating phase. Obviously not brand new, this was purchased from one of my beloved thrift stores. As we discussed the other day, I did not step foot in the thrift store looking for a Christmas Furby ornament. It is just one of those things that you see and you know right away that the girl you are trying to impress might be down with.

     I really like the ornament because the creators could have just put a little winter hat on top of a regular Furby and called it good; however, they went one step further and gave it a little caroling music book. Poor Furby has to balance the book on its feet. My hope is that all of the words to his carols are on one page because I am not sure how he would turn said page.

     Was I thinking about forever when I bought the Furby ornament? Nah.

     Did I know that Rachel would be able to look past all the goofiness and love me? Nah.

     Did I waste a lot of time and energy and friendships worrying about finding 'the one'? You bet.

     For every year the Furby is on the tree, that is how long Rachel and I have known each other and been an inseparable part of each others' lives. The Furby Ornament is kind of a testament to the Whose Line is it Anyway relationship Rachel and I have: Everything is made up and the points don't matter.