"Sorry about the mess."
"I am soooOOOoooOO sorry about the house."
"We still haven't cleaned up from last night."
These are all ways to legitimize not having a clean house that make the host feel better about themselves. Honestly, if you make a mess, clean it up. If everyone in the house did just that you would have a house as clean as mine.....was......4 years ago.
See, we had a very clean little one level ranch home when we first started. Then we got a dog, and then another dog. The dogs cannot clean up after themselves which really sucks considering how often they find and shred things they are not supposed to (A quick list of things they aren't supposed to find and shred: Everything.) One time I watched from the bedroom what our male dog, Bentley, was doing for recreation when he's not barking at squirrels, neighbor dogs, or random patches of grass he believes need to be barked at on that particular day. Bentley would go into the bathroom and grab a small piece of trash from the waste basket and then drag it under the bed. Then he would, go back to the waste basket and grab another piece of trash and do the same thing.
I watched him do this for a few minutes before I ruined his fun. Rachel and I moved the bed and lo and behold it was like someone put a ghost in wood chipper. There were just torn pieces of paper everywhere under the bed. Bentley watched us clean it up which could turn out to be a huge tissue issue because I doubt he has stopped the behavior; He just has found a better hiding spot.
So Rachel and I had a pretty good handle on the housework. I think sometimes the chore chart leans a little heavy my way, but then again I won't complain too too much about this factor since a lot of my time is spent cleaning up after messes I made in the first place. The "mistake" came in thinking that we were going to continue to keep this same cleaning regiment and have a clean house after we had a baby.
Anybody who has had a baby please regain your composure and continue reading. Thank You.
Anybody who has not yet had a baby stop reading this blog immediately and go out and live. Leave the house because you can leave the house without having to plan. Chances are you have money and it is a Saturday night. Go before it is too late. Make haste!!!
So needless to say everything has changed in our house cleaning regiment since having a baby by which I mean we just don't clean the house anymore. If I fold laundry in his presence he wants the article of clothing that is on the bottom of the stack. If I put his toys into a toy container then this prompts him to stop what he is doing and want these toys either in his possession or where he placed them (the floor...in no particular location...just the way he likes them). If we are in the kitchen doing dishes it means everything that is approximately 27 inches from the floor is either going to be 'Reversed by Luke'. Here are a few examples of Luke's 'Reversed by Luke' mental process:
-These items are in the refrigerator. They need to be outside of the refrigerator.
-This pot is on a shelf. It needs to go on the floor.
-This cabinet door is closed. It needs to be opened.
-This can is on a shelf, not moving. It should be on the floor, rolling.
-This water intended for the dogs is in a bowl. It needs to be out of the bowl and placed in a new container (the floor).
So whereas we used to apologize for messes, we now usually can get away with the following lines said to our guests at the front door:
"We have a kid. Sorry."
"We have a kid. The gates are for your protection."
"Were you planning on having any(more) kids? Here's one!"
So Rachel wrote on the calendar that today is the day that we were going to "Super Clean!" on the calendar.
I only have Saturdays off. You can see what my contributions are to the calendar.
So today we did some hardcore cleaning. We took turns watching Luke and just were able to get some stuff done around here. However, as I was approaching the tree to grab today's ornament, I noticed a few "visitors" to the Christmas Tree.
Let me explain. Rachel and I have always been "Displacement Cleaners". For a year, our house was spotless with the exception of one room that we had dubbed "The Crap Room" because it literally looked like a rummage sale was going on at all times. Then when "The Crap Room" became Luke's bedroom we really didn't fix anything. What we did is we made "Rachel's Sewing Room" into the New and Improved "Crap Room with a sewing machine in it". So, the "ornaments" that you see here are not really ornaments per se; however, my wife believes that they do not belong on the counters or refrigerator anymore. Thus, they are on the tree for all to see based on this Flow Chart:
Coffee table > Refrigerator >Christmas Tree >Scrap Book > Trash
Dinosaur Kite
Luke (8 months) made this at the fall festival with a little help from his mom and dad. This is now right beneath the star of our tree. I can't tell if he likes it as every time we hand it to him he tries to break it or put it in his mouth. But it is on the tree. High up so he can't get anywhere near his kite.
Is it an ornament?: No, but Rachel wants it in the tree and she said our son made it. As for him making it, he was present, but we'll keep it.
Larry Wazowski
Larry is if Mike from Disney's Monsters, INC. had a goofy cousin who lived under power lines. Luke made this around Halloween time. Larry has made his presence known. His first order of business: Pimp Slap the Yorkie.
Is it an ornament?: No. And furthermore, I do not like the idea of a one-eyed monster hanging from my tree. But Rachel wants it in the tree, and so Larry Wazowski shall stay.
Japanese 'Luke'/Algebraic Expression
Luke has this made for him at a Parents as Teachers: Christmas Around the World demonstration. I hope the scrawling above say "Luke". I always wondered about this kind of stuff. The kind lady in the booth could have written a lot of fowl Japanese slang and just claimed that it was the name of each respective child. It could also turn out to be Y1-7. I don't know if this is the first part of the algebraic expression or not so let's hope for Japanese curse words.
Is it an ornament?: No, it is a sheet of paper. But it may contain the name "Luke".
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